Monday, 10 February 2014

Computer Shopping With A Tech-Clueless Grandpa

Originally written in 2009 for a class where we tried to introduce basic computer concepts. Had some help writing this one.

  • IT
  • Grandpa
  • Child
  • G. Child 1
  • G. Child 2 

IT: Hello there, sir! How may I help you on this fine day!

Grandpa: (grabs chest) Darn it! You nearly gave me a heart attack!

IT: I’m sorry, sir. I just saw you wandering around the shop and thought you might need some help.

Grandpa: I needed some kelp? No, I don’t need some kelp but I do need some help. See, my 
dishwasher is broken beyond repair and I need to buy a new one to replace it.

IT: I’m sorry sir but this is a shop that sells computers.

Grandpa: Compactors? I don’t need a trash compactor, I need a dishwasher!

IT: (stresses every syllable) Com…Pu…Ter.

Grandpa: Now what in the world is that?

IT: It is a useful machine that can help you in your everyday life.

Grandpa: Does it feed cats? Does it talk? It’s been pretty quite since my boy left to Britain with his children.

IT: (looks confuse) No, I don’t think it feeds cats but I may be able to help you with that last one.

Grandpa: What’s that? Speak up boy, I can’t hear you.

IT: (speaks louder) I may be able to help you stay in touch with your son!

Grandpa: Quiet down! I’m not deaf!

IT: Sorry. But still, I can help you communicate with your son. How do you currently keep in touch?

Grandpa: I usually get a letter from him every month. Sometimes I even get a photograph of his children.

IT: What if I tell you that you can talk to him almost every day from the comfort of your own home?

Grandpa: Well, I’d be gayer than the richest man alive!

IT: (looks confuse and uncomfortable) Umm… O.K. Do you want to see our computers?

Grandpa:  Alright!

IT: (shows Grandpa computer) Behold, the wonder of the 20th century!

Grandpa: Where? All I see is a flat-screen TV. And what’s that doohickey that I see it’s connected to?

IT: This “flat-screen” TV as you so called it is a computer monitor. Its function is to display the information inside the computer.

Grandpa: (points at PC case) And what is this? A metal box? And what does this button do? (Presses DVD-ROM Drive button) Hey, a cup holder! Brilliant!

IT: No, that is a DVD-ROM Drive. The DVD-ROM Drive is used to read DVD-ROM Disc. A DVD-ROM Disc is a….

Grandpa: I know what a DVD is! I’m not completely out of touch!

IT: I’m sorry, sir.

Grandpa: Now, what is this thing? (grabs mouse)

IT: That is a mouse.

Grandpa: (Drops mouse). Agh! A mouse! (attempts to step on it)

IT: No, sir, a computer mouse. It is used for navigating your computer screen.

Grandpa: Why didn’t you say so! Now what does this thing do? (points at keyboard)

IT: That is a keyboard. The keyboard is used to type in information into the computer.

Grandpa: Alright. So, how do I actually talk to my son?

IT: Firstly, you will need an email account.

Grandpa: Hang on, I think in of my letters, my son said something about an ‘email account’ he set up for me, and that I should buy a connector.
IT: That makes my job a lot easier. What is the address?

Grandpa: (Gives a letter to IT. IT read and uses computer)

IT: By the way, he wrote computer. And…finish. You are now able to talk or write to your son.

Grandpa: Excellent. By the way, what is ‘email’? He never really explained it.

IT: Email, sands for ‘electronic mail’. You use the computer to send them. It is different from traditional mail as email arrives to the recipient immediately.

Grandpa: Amazing! Now then, if you can contact my son, you have yourself a sale…and if you help me learn to use it, of course.

IT: Alright! Employee of the month, here I come. Now, let’s see. (looks at screen). It looks like your son is online. Would you like to speak to him?

Grandpa: Would I! How do I do that?

IT: (Points at a webcam). Look into this webcam. The function of a webcam is to see the faces of those who you are talking to, among other things. Alright, let’s see…ah, he has accepted. (screen shows Child).

Grandpa: Hello, there!

Child: Dad? Wow, so you finally bought a computer like I asked you to and learn how to use the internet.

Grandpa: Internet?

Child: Never mind. At least you learn how to use a computer.

Grandpa: Well, I had help.

Child: Would you like to meet the grand kids? They are right here. Come down you guys!

Grandchild 1: Hello, grandpa. How are you?

Grandchild2: We miss you. When are you coming to visit us?
Grandpa: Kids these days, you should be visiting me!

Grandchild1, 2: (together) Sorry, grandpa.

Grandchild1: Say, grandpa, how do you like the internet so far? Read any good blogs lately? Did you download some music yet? Hey, are you on MyFace yet?

Grandpa: (looks very confused and nauseous)

Child: Now, kids, Grandpa is just learning to use the computer. Let’s give him time before we asked the really hard questions.

Grandchild1, 2: (together) Ok.

Child: Well, it looks like you’re still in the shop. Why don’t you buy the computer and we’ll talk longer.

Grandpa: Alright then! Until next time!

Grandchild1, 2: (together) Bye!

Grandpa: (looks at IT) Well, I never know people could do such things! You have yourself a sale my boy!

IT: Thank you, sir! Now, if you just come with me for your credit card.

Grandpa: Of course! Before that, I would like to ask. What’s this thing about getting free music from the ‘interweb’ I’ve heard so much. Can you show me?

IT: (Looks at audience, confused)

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